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life as a tapestry of serenity, courage, wisdom, and honesty
Eleventh Sunday After Pentecost ● August 4, 2024
Anne Hughes Hinnen, Guest Preacher © 2024
You can view the full worship video recording at:
Scripture Readings:
John 8: 31-32 (New Revised Standard Version), Serenity Prayer, The 9th Step Promises
The reading text is provided at the end of this sermon.
Good morning, beloved Church of the Village! It is SO good to be here again, amidst old friends and new friends I have not yet met! When Jorge contacted me to give the message this Sunday, he told me this summer’s theme is based on Richard Rohr’s 12-Step Spiritualities. I immediately accepted his invitation! Richard Rohr is one of my favorite theologians, and I love how he connects the 12-steps with the teachings of Christ. Also… the 12-Step topic is one I can speak to from experience.
From my 27 years of clean and sober perspective, the 12 Step Recovery program only works if Acceptance and Honesty become an integral part of one’s living, so I’ll share some thoughts on that.
Back in 1996, I was working for a Harm Reduction needle exchange program in the Bronx and Harlem. Most of my coworkers were in NA, Narcotics Anonymous, but as I often said, “I don’t have a problem; I only use once in a while.” And I believed wholeheartedly that I was an honest person… If I told you something, you could be sure it was true!
One day, one of those coworkers, Pauline, asked if I’d like to attend one of the clients’ group sessions, based on NA meetings, for me to see how the needle exchange worked as harm reduction, even with people still using. I asked if I had to self-disclose, and she suggested I just listen that first day. I listened to a group of men who lived their lives on the streets, who had very little or nothing to their name. They each told how they’d gotten through their week with very little, or a lot, of drug use… one after the other, they honestly shared some really tough stuff. A thought hit me… I was the only person in that room who was NOT HONEST! What an epiphany! Just like every day, I planned on getting high as soon as work was over, while walking on my way to the subway home, and then I’d continue to be high until I got up to go to work the next morning. If you saw me outside of work, you saw me high. Not many people realized that! And yet, “I don’t have a problem; I only use once in a while.” After the meeting, I asked Pauline where I could find an NA meeting, that evening. She immediately drove me down to the Village, to the LGBTQ+Center across the street from here, to my first meeting… November 8, 1996 is still my clean and sober date. But, oh my, the struggles have been many… but so worth it.
I’d left the church in disappointed anger and sorrow when I had come out in the late ‘80’s and got the loud & clear message that the United Methodist Church would no longer FULLY accept me. I was married to a UM pastor, I was training as a hospital chaplain, and I loved the UM Church. It was about that time that I gave myself over to my addictions… I was a 40-year-old NYC dyke, and I was out every night, playing at being happy when I was not! It was also at that time that I lost my connection with God… I remembered what it was like to be silent and still in the mystery of God, or actively serving others, in deep faith and spiritual joy. But it was a memory, and I could not recreate that experience.
I needed recovery, and I was blessed to find it. Jesus said, “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” These words of Jesus ring so true, and once this experience frees the mind, body and spirit, the heart opens more easily to acceptance. I prayed, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…” and God did… usually! One of the 12 Step Promises tells us, “We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.” How full of wonder is that? …And it’s a Promise that gently unfolds, so that we see glimpses of it more and more often. Richard Rohr, in his sensitivity and wisdom, has said, “I am convinced that, on a practical level, the gospel message of Jesus and the Twelve Step message of Bill Wilson are largely the same message. The Twelve Step Program parallels, mirrors, and makes practical the same messages that Jesus gave us…”
In those early years of program, I was at a meeting almost daily. I worked those steps… and worked those steps…with the most rigorous honesty I could! Anyone who has delved into shadow work, as Richard Rohr calls it, will relate to his words, Jesus said, “The truth will set you free,” and I always feel compelled to add, “But first it will make you miserable.” There is no other way to describe the humiliation and grief that comes from seeing your own failures and weaknesses clearly, perhaps for the first time. Only in the presence of Great Love do any of us have the courage to attempt that kind of inventory.
Life was challenging, but I was learning about new tools to use, new ways to deal. The old familiar Serenity Prayer had new life for me, and it became a touchstone of healing for me in my new life. I focused on a renewed experiential spirituality that radically changed me. My old friends sure did not see me as the FUN person I once was, but I was more ME. I was a sane and responsible me…and I sure was enjoying life more, and I was having fun with mostly new friends.
Ten years of program, 2006: I had just spoken at an AA meeting, again across the street at the Center. A tall woman, way in the back, raised her hand and said, “You don’t look like a drug addict.” (whatever that means….) That’s how I first met Katie, my wife! Yes, you do meet fun people in 12-step rooms!
The following year, my daughter Melissa and granddaughter Cassie invited us to their incredible new church ~ the Church of the Village! Katie leaned over during the service and whispered, “Wow! I could really love coming to a church like this!” Because of my reconnection with God through step work, I knew I was ready to return to church! We joined this church the following month, in January, 2008, and our lives became fuller than ever!
A new truth Katie and I have had to honestly face in acceptance during the past six years, is her diagnosis of dementia at age 54, and dealing with its progression. We’ve had to acknowledge it when she could no longer work, and we moved to NJ, where we could afford to live on our limited incomes. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change… But, we’ve also had the courage to change what we can by keeping our attitude focused on gratitude. Not a day goes by that we don’t give thanks for our each other, our home, our church, the beauty of living at the shore, our friends, old and new, and our family. When it comes to dealing with our challenges, may we always have the wisdom to know the difference between what we can change and what we can’t.
Amen.
John 8: 31-32 (New Revised Standard Version)
Then Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him,
“If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples,
and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”
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Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
~ Reinhold Niebuhr
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The 9th Step Promises
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,
we will be amazed before we are half-way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone,
we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises?
We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us
—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.
~ Chapter 6, Page 83-84 of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous
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Friends, these are words of Life and Freedom
Thanks be to God