Deep Calls Unto Deep: The Light Within Us

January 16, 2022 • 2nd Sunday after Epiphany
Scripture Reading: Psalm 42 (The Inclusive Bible)
Pastor Alexis Lillie

The preacher Barbara Brown Taylor begins her sermon on the journey of the wise men this way: “Once upon a time there were some very wise men who were all sitting in their own countries minding their own business when a bright star lodged in the right eye of each of them. It was so bright that none of them could tell whether it was burning in the sky or in their own imagination, but they were wise enough to know that it didn’t matter. The point was, something beyond them was calling them, and it was a tug they had been waiting for all their lives.” (Taylor, 1999)     

In this sense, the light is similar to the thirst the Psalmist references. We explored already how when light shines on things, we don't always love what is illuminated, what we are being invited into.

In the same sense, thirst doesn't usually feel good but is also an invitation (a la the magi) to pay attention to what is in the corner of our eye, and where it may be leading us.

I love how Barbara Brown Taylor phrases it: that they couldn't tell if it was burning in the sky or in their eye ... and it didn't matter! Because it raises up the idea that the magi are paying attention to something, also, that is within them -- just like how the psalmist uses the imagery of "thirst" to evoke a bodily, physical sensation that we identify as being within. She puts the star, the light, in the context of being within ourselves.

The journey within, to recognize these lights, these thirsts, it isn't always pleasant. The Psalmist gets right into the upleasantness!

• My tears are my food!

• Why are you downcast my soul?!

• Why are you disquieted!?

Our thirst -- what I would also name our desire -- can be a disquieting thing, especially when we notice, as the Psalmist does, how it ebbs and flows and can be intertwined with joy and rejoicing and thirst and disquiet.

This Psalm is a little all over the place, and it's also very honest in a way I don't always find Psalms to be. There's talk of being downcast and disquieted, interspersed with memories of thanksgiving and praise and love. There's a sense that remembering these times of rejoicing is part of the Psalmist reminding themselves, and trusting that joy will come again. Recognizing where they are in the cycle of thirst and satisfaction, that their thirst has led them wisely before, and they will come again to a restful place. Even though it might be disquieting in the moment, they will be satisfied again.

My therapist would call this "trusting the process!” I'm reminded of a chapter from the book Untamed about getting into this thirst / quest / seeking light cycle of growth, and being able to see what is happening even if it is difficult - knowing that you will emerge as a truer version of yourself

This, to me, is part of what the Psalmist means when they say "deep calls unto deep." We are listening to our own desire, our own wisdom from deep within our souls. As a transcendent light that burns in the horizon yet is also present, flickering in our own bodies. This "Deep calling to deep" lights our way to trust that what we've felt before we will feel again: hope is there, and we will feel it again. God is there, community is there, we are there

This is the divine importance of listening to our own desire, that voice, that light, that thirst - however we name it - from the deepness of our own souls.

When we are truly listening to the spirit moving within -- acknowledging that light, that thirst -- resisting what is surfacing can prolong our suffering and even truncate our journey. It can stop short our cycle, our fulfillment.

It’s not enough to have the star of the desire in your eye, or the thirst from within, you still have to do the work of journeying towards it. Both the stories of Epiphany, and the stories from the Psalmist remind us this is true. The Magi could have stayed in their homes with the light in their eyes, but they got on their camels and faced the desert!

And we feel the Psalmist wrestling with this journey - the ways they want to remember the love and joy God brings even in the midst of their suffering and what is surfacing for them.

I think we know a bit about this, right? During Covid we have experienced many of these ebbs and flows, and needing to hold on to the "things we remember" -- maybe literally needing to remember "going out with the throng" as the Psalmist does.

We've felt that cycle, collectively, as we re-engage our building, listening deep within to what is wisest, and safest, and most life-giving for our community. We are moving through fear, and getting to excitement, and feeling stymied by variants, and keeping that light in our eye that is the joy of gathering together.

Because we can find joy - not just at the resolution of our journey, but even in the ebb and flow of the struggle. Getting on their camels was both a response to their desire, and likely raised within the magi the very resistance they get needed to work to overcome, in order to find the light of the star they were looking for.

They say you preach the sermon you need to hear, and I struggled with this one because I felt unexpectedly thrown this week into my own cycle of following my thirst from within, while being unsure of exactly what is happening, or where it will lead, and feeling stymied by the very pull that I know is inviting me into further growth and revelation.

It is disquieting to get this kind of tug, seemingly out of nowhere, to begin paying attention to it, and to feel you're getting more questions than answers.

This is another truism from our Magi story and from the psalmist. We can do the work of surfacing our desires, of paying attention to the light in our eye. We can follow the journey within even though it's difficult, and trust that we are in a cycle of growth where even in the midst of difficulty we will find hope, and joy, and love

And, we don't know exactly how that all will play out! Sometimes, what the light of our desire illuminates is simply our next step, but not the big picture, and so we take each piece of our journey as it comes.

We've talked about the mechanics of letting our thirst surface, or paying attention to that flicker in our eye … allowing deep cry out to deep, and not resisting the urging of the spirit. We've thought through how sometimes we must journey to satisfy our thirst and desire even in the midst of difficult circumstances.

I think many of us learn by doing, and many of us have probably practiced this cycle in some way. I want to give us an opportunity to let deep cry out to deep, and to listen to the voices of our souls.

As Jorge plays for a couple minutes, I invite you to listen to the lure of the Spirit, inviting you into yourself ... and see what the light of desire may look or feel like for you.

(c) 2022 Alexis Lillie
All rights reserved.